Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
