hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
