How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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