You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
