so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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