Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need to calm my uterus...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He shit in the fireplace
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
