i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
