Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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