Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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