im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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