My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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