I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
