You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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