he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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