escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
