she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
