they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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