I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
