If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
