Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
