Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
