You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
