During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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