...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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