Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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