He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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