Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
