Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
