I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
