Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
