i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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