11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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