i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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