stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
