I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
