She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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