please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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