I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
