We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
