we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
a search helicopter?!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
