The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
