at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
did i just pee glitter
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
