I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
