I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
