I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
