Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
