i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
