I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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