Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
