At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
