so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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