i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
